2009 (draft)

I have so much to say and yet, I find myself at a lost for words.

This has been quite a year. Full of experiences that have changed my life. No words can described the vast range of emotions that I have felt.

I have been on a journey of self discovery. Each experience; however small, unique and life changing. I have laughed, I have cried, I have come to accept that I am, who I am. I am no longer just going through the motions of life without really living.

Each day holds a treasure of self discovery. Every decision, no matter how insignificant holds the power to transform my life. The human experience is richer by the people that are put in our lives to guide our evolution as human beings. I am no longer in a state of " why me" or "Why did it not...". I am not a victim of circumstance, I am a witness of the power of the Holy Spirit.

Acceptance, forgiveness, non-judgement all lessons that keep coming up in my life.
God help me accept things, people as they are. Let me forgive from my heart and not in words alone. May I be free of Judgement of myself and others.

If at the end of the day, I can be at peace with all of the decisions I have made, then that is a good day. I have had a lot of good days this year. I have acted out of my true nature, I have no regrets, I have followed the yearnings of my soul.
To be truly successful in life, One must be flexible; open minded, open hearted and know that every situation works in your favor for the greater good. I must not get hung up on why things did come together as I had envisioned. The biggest realization is knowing that God knows what is best. He may not always give me What I ask, he will give me what will bring the greatest satisfaction on the evolution my spirit.

I would not change any aspect of my life; nor would I wished for things, people and events to have unfolded any differently. My wish for this New Year is that my Faith, my relationship with God will continue to grow stronger. In the end is not the external circumstances that mark a successful life, but that I reached my goal in life and that is simply to be Happy.
Love is all there is.
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Being receptive to Holy Guidance

I recently had one of those encounters that I know was a sign from God.

I work in a school and I see kids that have special needs. This angel came to show me the way I should conduct my way of BEING. I have no other way to describing this little girl, except to say I felt the HOLY SPIRIT in her.

There was no wanting what so ever in her. I felt a peaceful presence and I could see her soul in her eyes. The feeling that I got was that it was not this little girl looking at me, but a God himself.

That image has been on my mind since and whenever I feel a bit out of sorts and not present enough in my daily life, I remember that little girl. My goal in life is to be happy and that is what God wants for all of us.

I remember the saying " Be still, and know that I am God". That little girl showed me by just being. I have read many books, I have meditated , I have prayed and did not quite get it. So, God sent me that Angel. Thank you!!!

Walk in someone else's shoes

Everyday I feel grateful for the life God has chosen for me. Sometimes I do not know how good I have it.
Today, I decided take a "sick" day. My biggest decision; should I buy my Uggs boots or upgrade to an I-phone. Treated myself to a nice hamburger for lunch just before going to do my hair. Almost towards the end of my 3 hour hair ordeal, my hairdresser for many years mentions how difficult it is to raise two little boys being a single mother and having to work.
For a split second I could see myself in her shoes and I was filled with compassion. God does know our mission, our purpose in this lifetime, and how dare I ever complaint for minor self induced feel of lack. I am blessed and I must never forget to give Thanks. I must always keep in mind that I have everything I need and more. Thank you God for this life experience.
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There is reason for everything.

It recently dawned on me that God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes I may not understand the reason behind a particular situation , but if I look with the eyes of the Holy Spirit the truth is revealed.



We come across people that are put in our lives to test our true Spirit. Behind every encounter there is a opportunity to grow, challenge our beliefs and strengthen our Faith.



I had such and encounter and although it was brief, it met every criteria that I described above. In my life, I had never come across a person whom I would describe as oppositional and manipulative. I know that is not his True Self, but those are the characteristic which I experienced with this person.



Our encounter caused me many tears and soul searching and forgiveness. I am a much better person for it, Thank God for allowing me to have that experience. This one person is no longer in my life, but God rewarded me by putting people back in my life that I had lost touch with and adding some new people that are kind, giving and compassionate and happy with life . Thank You for your lessons. Love is all there is.

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Learning from Adversity

It is always easy to fall back on times of difficulty and only the see the negative. The greatest learning moments come from times of adversity. Each situation good or bad has a life transforming effect. I may experience something over and over until I finally get it and evolve. A situation may not resolve itself until you learn the lesson God wanted you to learn. This is the reason we came to this world, to experience all the lessons and trials that we were meant to learn. Always remember, only love is real!!!

Beingness

How fortunate I am to allow myself to just BE. I do not have to always be doing something. Simple moments of appreciation. Moments when the demands of life, the external world are put on hold. In quiet I am at peace. I am able to let my soul take a respite from the constant desire to do. The external demands can wait, but the salvation of soul can not. It has been a long time since the word boredom no longer exist for me. Relax, recoup, rejuvenate and rejoice are much more fitting to the peace I feel. In quiet I feel connected to the Holy Spirit and resolution to anything is revealed. Thank you God for my moments of Beingness.
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Reality

There is no one more blind than the one who does not want to See.

There is no one more deaf than the one who does not want to Listen.

There is no one more lost than the one who does not want to live in Truth.

Blessed are those who want to See, Hear and Live in Truth.

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I know Nothing

Just when I think that I have reached a certain level of consciousness and have everything figured out; the Holy Spirit guides me in such a way to show me that I am not quite there yet. It can be comical when I realized that what I thought I knew was not the Truth but an Illusion I created. God has a sense of humor and lovingly shows us our delusions. Prayer: Holy Spirit, help me find the truth. Let me live with Joy, Peace and Faith and the Truth will be eternal. Amen.
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Body, mind and spirit

I am seating here reading ACIM. It is one of the few treasured books that have come to me through the Grace of God. I only write when the inspiration comes and when I am compelled to write my thoughts. I am a child of God and he created me with love and not just me for we are all ONE. We are whole; body mind and spirit and when we think we are incomplete we suffer the greatest dilution, fear and separation. Seeking what we think we are missing outside of ourselves. I choose to let the Holy Spirit be my guide, I choose to live in love. Each encounter is a lesson in love and I will take care of my body as the temple that it is and I will be fully present with my mind for that is true peace.
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Life's small pleasures

Took half a day today from work to enjoy a lovely afternoon. It is hot and yet; I find myself sitting on a park bench enjoying nature. A tranquil breeze comes and goes. The roaring of the cars passing by do not seem disturb this bliss. Life is good!!!

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Happiness is....

• Being in a state of inner peace where I can just sit back and enjoy the small things in life and just have a smile on my face.
• Getting so engrossed in a good book that I loose all sense of time.
• Walking, listening to my favorite music.
• Being in the moment.
• Enjoying my Sunday bagel.
• Getting a pedicure.
• Enjoying a glass of wine with friends.
• Having a conversation with someone about spirituality.
• Taking a nice long shower after a long day.
• Meditating

Gratitude

Sometimes we are so preoccupied with the mundane tasks of life that we overlook the small miracles that happen every day. Instead of focusing on what we do not have, shift your outlook and appreciate the things that bring a smile, a sense of peace and gratitude. Life can be very hectic and frustrating, but take a moment and just appreciate that you are alive, breathing and experiencing life!!! I had a very awakening experience this past weekend, had gone to the cemetery to pay my respect to a family member that has recently passed. Walking past all the tombstones and looking at the names, dates of birth and date of death made me realize that all the struggles, the "drama", the conflicts and the good memories for that matter are temporary. You can not take it with you. Enjoy each moment and be grateful!!!

...And so it is

Life is as complicated as we make it to be; usually stemming from wanting things to be different from what they are. True freedom comes from realizing that life is what it was intended to be. Go with the flow not against it, truly know this in your "gut" and be free of desires. Every challenge is an opportunity to evolve as a human being.
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Letting go

One of the hardest things in life is to let go. Deep down I know it's all an illusion I have created because I want things to work out. If only....I should have....is all been playing in my mind. I know that things are not suppose to be so complicated when they are meant to be. Letting go of a dream is hard and heart breaking, but I know that once I surrender the situation there will be a peace in accepting the truth and I pray to God to help me to let go.
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Endings

Today is a bitter-sweet day. Professionally, I am ending an endeavor in which I have been involved for the last 3 years. I am in the office cleaning out my desk, going through papers and discarding things I no longer need. Memories come to mind as I come across pictures, notes, old e-mails. Some are very pleasant, like the picture of white-water rafting in Oregon, (glad I made it out alive since I do not know how to swim). Oh, those e-mails about wanting one thing or another to be done yesterday; I will not miss those. I will miss my co-workers, some that I have become friends with. I will miss my boss, for his support, for always believe in me when I sometimes doubted my abilities. But mostly, I will miss his passion for the things that he cares about and for his determination to do things his way. I will always remember him going out of his way for me to see the Pacific ocean when we could have driven just a short distance to our final destination. As I end this chapter in my professional life, I look forward to what is to come, God only knows!!!

Things that matter

My first post, it is better to start with the things that matter the most. My family is important, my parents are still alive and I have an older brother and a sister. My sister is married and has 3 children, my niece Hayley and my nephews Jeremy and Jason. It has been interesting to see how they continue to develop as independent human beings.
Integrity matters, I believe in doing the right things. I believe in honesty, with others but mostly to myself. I believe in letting my life be guided by a higher power which sometimes I forget and try to control all aspects of my life. I believe in letting your actions speak for you, words do not mean a thing if you do not back it up with actions.